I feel I should be happy, I mean I just got my first job, I’m starting college in the fall, I’ve fixed all my relationships with my friends that mattered the most, I started going to church again but yet I feel so lost. I just want to cry. I want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay but that mom I once new has too lost herself. What do I do? I’ve never thought of suicide so much in my life. We can all thank God I don’t have the guts to actually commit the act. Because if I did, I wouldn’t be here. I just feel so sad, it’s beginning to overwhelm me. Suicide would never be the answer though, I have some strength left to fight this fight. I miss my dad, I went from seeing him every day for the past 17 years to only seeing him maybe once to five times a month. I hardly see him anymore. I just wish this was all a nightmare, my sister being killed, my parents divorcing, EVERYTHING. I’m just so broken.